Let’s talk about sex. It’s a subject everyone has an opinion on from the 15-year-old virgin to the 82-year-old grandmother.

I’ve been noticing a trend in Hollywood lately; every time there’s a bad guy, he’s got some sexual deviance that has turned him into a serial killer. That’s not good PR for those of us who have sexual deviances and enjoy them. By Hollywood standards, I should have half a dozen bodies in the yard by now.

So let’s list off my kinks, shall we? I’m a libertine which means pretty much anything goes anyways. I really have a thing for breasts (female breasts. I still can’t wrap my head around moobs). I’m a switch which, in bdsm terms, means I can either be dominant or submissive (depending on my mood). I have a desire to have a threesome with two men and have already had a threesome involving one man and two women (actually, a few times). I have toys such as vibrators, a glass dildo, scarves (for bondage and blindfolds) and a riding crop. Whee!

All too often I see people giggling behind their hands when the topic of sex comes up like adolescents and it confuses me. Why? Sex is a natural part of being alive and it’s time we stopped treating it like it’s something dirty or taboo. Let me tell you, sometimes the best sex is very dirty. Let’s get one thing out in the open. Sex is rarely about procreation. We are human and, as such, we are social creatures and everything we do is to re-emphasize that social contact. From work to hobbies to having sex is all about reinforcing our position within a social network. Now, stop giggling behind your hand and get a few myths out of the way.

  • Men are only interested in sex with other men if they’re bi or gay. WRONG!!! This may seem at odds with what you understand, but sometimes straight men are curious about sex with other men. I know of men who have sex with other men as an indulgence. One guy told me that men give the best blowjobs. He loved blowjobs so when he found a guy who liked doing them he didn’t feel any need to turn that down. Men have a penis and know very well how their’s works but it is normal and natural to see if another guy’s works the same way.
  • Women are only interested in sex with other women if they’re bi or gay. WRONG!! We women seem to be less concerned about same sex relations than men. Sometimes it’s an indulgence and other times it’s just simply what’s available at the moment we’re turned on. I knew a married couple where the wife liked to have her husband watched. However, she felt uncomfortable with other men so she would find a woman to play with and the husband sat in a corner of the room and watched. Everyone’s satisfied all around. Again, the sex isn’t about the orgasm here. It’s about the social aspect. It’s about being with someone and reinforcing your connection to them through sexual play. That’s it.
  • The only people who participate in bdsm are freaks and deviants who are a danger to society. WRONG!!! It is true that SOMETIMES bdsm attracts people with mommy or daddy issues, that is not the norm. Mostly, these are normal, functioning members of society who like the feel of it or the edginess. For myself, I love being spanked. My current playmate was afraid to do so at first because he was worried he’d hurt me. Spankings mean pain, he thought. We then went to a demonstration where he was lightly flogged by a wonderful Mistress who did the same for me, too. The light flogging made him very sensitive and he suddenly realized that the spankings had nothing to do with pain. For me, pain often manifests as a ticklish sensation that is hard to describe. I do feel pain if I get cut or something, but mostly muscle pain feels ticklish. A good, hard spanking makes everything very sensitive and happy. Blood rushes to the region and the nerves are alive. It’s time to party. If I’m with someone I trust, I do like the feeling of helplessness as I’m tied and control is out of my hands. conversely, I like to tie a guy down and tease him mercilessly. This has nothing to do with being a Nazi bitch. This has everything to do with reinforcing the trust between us. I don’t indulge all the time, just sometimes when I start to crave it.
  • Dominant/submissive play causes the submissive to lose their identity. WRONG!! Contrary to Hollywood’s portrayal, it is the submissive who calls the shots here. Every Dom/sub couple has a safe word (if they don’t, they shouldn’t be playing) or action (such as rapping on the wall) that the Dom respects completely. Let me make this clear, when that safe word or action is let out, play stops. Immediately. This means the sub is uncomfortable and needs to go back to where he or she feels comfortable.  All this means that the sub is in control of the play. A good Dom pays very close attention to what the sub likes and doesn’t like through subtle body cues or by the sub simply telling him. To the layperson, a man standing in the centre of a room, almost fully clothed demanding his sub service him seems outrageous. However, to the couple engaged in this, the Dom has realized his sub needs the interaction and is craving the attention. Some Doms will even have their subs service others as a part of the play. This, for the couple may be completely normal.
  • All couples should be boy/girl and must be within the confines of marriage. WRONG!! Let’s get over this one right away. If you are in a religion that believes this, I’m not going to argue with you. However, there are many bonded relationships that go way beyond this definition. Polyamourous couples, for example, often have very healthy, very caring relationships. When we lived by hunting and gathering, this made sense. However, now that either member of the family can provide for the family unit (whatever that may be), this is an outmoded style of thinking. If you want to be in a relationship and care for the other person or persons, then be happy and make them happy. If you’re like me and relationships give you hives, then use a condom and remember the Wiccan Rede; An Though It Harm None, Do As Thou Will.
  • Fetishes are creepy and are the mainstay of the serial killer. WRONG!!! These are simply tools to help some people reach the finish line. Now, a true fetish is any tool or behaviour that the person REQUIRES to achieve orgasm. For example, a man with a shoe fetish may need to lick the woman’s shoes before he can consider orgasming. Most of them are fairly harmless. If you have a playmate who has a shoe fetish, it means you wear shoes during sex. This can work to your advantage as some shoe fetishists will buy their playmates shoes to indulge their fetish. Win-win as far as I’m concerned. Some fetishes such as scat or blood are extreme and require special considerations due to health concerns. However, talk it over with your partner and doctor if need be. Make sure you’re playing safe and then indulge away. Consider this; serial killers such as John Wayne Gacy often become serial killers not because of their sexual desires but because those desires have either been twisted, abused or violently suppressed.
  • Good girls don’t do that. WRONG!! Let me tell you, ladies, good girls do and if you don’t, there’s another good girl like me who will. I’ll tell you, I am very good at blowjobs and the reason why is I picked the brain of every single gay man I could find and watched a lot of gay porn. Here’s the rule; if you expect your partner to do something to/for/with you, then you MUST do that thing to/for/with them as well. This isn’t just for women, it’s for everyone.
  • Engineers are fantastic lovers. Okay. This one’s true. It’s also a myth I’m starting myself. I don’t know what it is or why, but every single engineer (PEng only, please) I have ever been with has been an amazing lover. I think it has to do with the fact that they are trained to pay attention to detail. Either that or there’s something in that iron ring that gives them superpowers. I don’t know, but damn they’re good.

It’s time we stopped looking at sex as something that only bad people do. We need sex. It’s a part of who we are as human beings. Do yourself and everyone else a favour; grab a toy, take your hand, put on some porn and masturbate. Get to know how you work. Then grab a partner or three and find out how they work. Have fun. Use condoms.