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Gay Pride Couple With Bare Asses

A gay pride couple with their asses bared to the world

I’m proud to be who I am. I may not stand on tabletops, but I also don’t hide it. Let’s get the labels out there. I am a pansexual, polyamourist, switch libertine. Okay. That’s out of the way. When I saw the above photo, I got angry. I recognize the need to go out and be public. That I have no problem with. Seriously, though, is there a reason for hanging your ass out for the world to see? Every single other person in that photo is covered up and dressed normally. I don’t care how great your ass is, does it add to letting the world accept GLBPT people? Or are you just another exhibitionist who needs to be in a different type of parade? All too often I hear people saying gays are “fine” but that their behaviour is weird. These are generally open-minded people saying this. I’m often told that the objection is not about who the person wants to love or is attracted to or how they define their sexuality. Rather, people tell me they object to the behaviour. Oh, I know I’m going to get a lot of hassle about this, but come on, people. We’ve all met the butch lesbian and the flaming gay. I’m not talking a woman who is a tomboy. I am more tomboy than feminine most days. I’m talking the woman who goes out of her way to display her masculine qualities. Not a trans woman, just a lesbian who acts like she just walked off a pirate ship. Or how about the gay man who is so effeminate he has flames shooting out his ass? These are people who act in extreme ways to get attention. No one; straight, gay or other; likes to have behaviour thrown in their face. We condemn the Goths and Emos for doing it, why is it okay for the GLBPT group? When you’re marching in that parade, ask yourself why you’re there. Are you there to offer support to the community and show the world you don’t want or need to hide? Or are you there to get a cheap thrill? Does having your ass hang out further the GLBPT community’s agenda in any way? Or does it give the world another bit of weird behaviour to stare at? I, in no way, suggest that people be quiet about their sexual orientation but there is a time and place for everything. Come on, people. Our community needs to help the world understand and accept us. We don’t need to push the public further away through idiotic behaviour. Sgt. Brandon Morgan with boyfriend Dalan Wells kissing

This photo was posted on Facebook and showed a very happy Brandon Morgan and Dalan Wells reuniting after Morgan had returned home. It’s a touching, wonderful photo and no one’s ass is hanging out.

If our community is to be truly understood and accepted, we have to help people to understand. Understanding stops, communication stops, everything stops when your behaviour alienates people. A man I truly respect and admire is George Takei. Here is a man who lived in the internment camps of World War II (a pretty name for something so ugly done to a culture) and then came out as being gay at a time when “that sort of thing just wasn’t talked about”. He’s intelligent, witty and fights for what he believes in. If we have anyone to thank for forward movement in the GLBPT cause, he is certainly one. Yet, he doesn’t engage in outrageous behaviour. When it’s appropriate, he flames and has fun with it. When the situation calls for it, he’s all business.

Let’s be smart, people. If your behaviour is alienating others, then stop doing it. You have the right to love whom you choose but you don’t have the right to scare people. We are all human and humans are a social creature. We need each other to survive. That means making allowances for each other. If you’re straight and are curious about the GLBPT community, come ask. We like questions and we’re generally friendly. If you’re GLBPT, please don’t be a stereotype. You’re our spokesperson. How people see me depends on how you behave. Please represent me well and I’ll do the same for you.

And please cover up your ass.

City of Edmonton Skyline

City of Edmonton Skyline

The amazing skyline in that photograph is my home, Edmonton, Alberta. I’ve lived here all my life and experienced many things; some good, some bad, some exciting, some mundane. Edmonton is a blue-collar city with a small town attitude and a big heart. I have seen this city pull together so often to combat some outrage or open their hearts and wallets to help someone in need. We are a caring city and I’m proud this is my home.

Which is why I’m so baffled by the Best Gore website.

I get that people are fascinated by the many ways we humans can destroy things. I’m a huge horror movie buff myself and was singing Alice Cooper lyrics in elementary school, much to the dismay of my teachers. That isn’t the problem. Alice Cooper, horror movies, Marilyn Manson, all of that is fantasy. It’s no more real than the Coyote from Bugs Bunny getting another anvil on his head. Best Gore is real.

The owner of the Best Gore website lives in Edmonton. So let’s look at the sequence of events concerning the Luka Magnotta video that appeared on his website. Magnotta creates the video, uploads it to the website, Mark Marek (the owner of Best Gore) sees it and calls police (according to him), Marek posts said video on his website. Huh?

Okay. Let’s assume Marek was concerned enough to alert the police about this video, which is a fact I am seeing conflicting information about and I have not been able to get in touch with Marek. Should that change, I will post his statements later. Getting back to this issue at hand, though, Marek was concerned enough to get the police involved or to cooperate with the police. He then posts the video that concerned him enough to his website? WTF?

Marek, so far, has said nothing substantial about his actions. He only states that he serves the public and puts the truth out there. I’d love to know what public he’s serving. There are graphic images of car accidents, animal encounters and assorted other depravities that it’s no wonder Magnotta posted there. I’ve got to ask myself, though, who goes to this site? Who on earth needs or wants to see this stuff?

Maybe, just maybe, an emergency personnel is using the site for training purposes. In a stretch I could see that. Who else? Let me say, if you’re visiting this site for yucks and giggles, you’re one sick fucker. What? “Saw” isn’t enough for you anymore? Now we have to create things like this site or the movie “The Human Caterpillar” to amp things up? Do we really need that?

Let’s put this into perspective. Imagine you’re the mother or father or brother or sister of Jin Lun. Let’s imagine Lun added love and laughter to your life. Let’s imagine Jin Lun in your life as a vital and integral part of your life. Now imagine him ripped away from you in a brutal and horrific manner. You’re Jin Lun’s mother and the child you carried in your belly for 9 months, fed, clothed, cleaned, played with, argued with, loved, watched sleep, sang to and watched grow has been brutally tortured and murdered. His last hours being ones of pain and fear. You’re Jin Lun’s father and you know there was nothing you could do to help save your son, the boy you taught to fish or to sing or read to at night or listened to at the dinner table or made pancakes with in the morning. He’s gone and you couldn’t help him. Let that image rip at your soul for a few minutes.

Now imagine it being posted on the Internet for the world to see.

Now tell me, Mr. Marek, how you were serving truth and you make no apologies for posting it. Now justify even owning a site like yours. Go ahead and scoff now. Isn’t it hilarious, Mr. Marek?

I’ve seen the site and it disgusts me. There is absolutely no truth or higher good a site like this serves. If it could be justified. If there was a purpose I’d leave it alone. There isn’t. For my part, I will be boycotting this website. It’s not much, but maybe if one person refuses to give this site any attention, maybe others will, too. Maybe then Marek will see that videos like these aren’t “truth” and aren’t serving any purpose.

Mr. Marek, you owe Jun Lin’s family an apology.

A while ago I came across Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project. Although I haven’t uploaded a video, I have watched many videos people have done and applauded them. I was the victim of bullying in school. Not because I was openly pansexual, but because I was simply different. Even now adults think it’s all right to poke fun at that difference. It doesn’t bother me as much now, but I am aware of it.

Today I watched Rick Mercer’s video, “Rick’s Rant – Teen Suicide“. In it he tells adults, both straight and GLBT, that telling kids it gets better isn’t enough. That something needs to be done to stop the bullying. In it he says that 300 kids committing suicide from bullying per year is 300 too many.

I agree.

When I worked for Alberta Government, Alberta Education, I raised the question of bullying. I asked what was being done to stop it. Nothing, I was told. It isn’t a government concern. I went to the bathroom and quietly cried. If it isn’t a government concern, who’s is it? When we see the kid being bullied, when we hear about it, when we witness it, who’s concern is it? When a child kills himself and tears his family and friends apart because of bullying, why aren’t charges laid?

As an adult, if I am harassed (when you’re over 18 it’s no longer bullying, it’s harassment), I can go to the police and get help. I can go to the courts and make that person leave me alone. If I’m a teenager and I’m bullied, I can go to teachers. I can go to the principal. I can go to my parents, but what happens? Often the schools claim it’s the word of one student against the other. Really? A teacher can’t see when a student is obviously afraid and depressed enough to take their own lives? Especially when that student begs for help? Okay, so what proof do we need? Video? Okay, parents, arm your kids with cameras from now on.

We adults seem to keep thinking that bullying is a part of growing up but think about the facts for a second. If you went to work and were pushed around, beat up, called names, constantly, would you work there for long? What if your lunch or your money was taken from you daily by your co-workers? What if nasty pictures were posted all over the office? What if your co-workers spread vicious gossip on the company website? Would your bosses put up with that for long? Would they tell you that they couldn’t prove harassment was happening? Would they say it’s your word against someone else’s?

We have laws protecting adults from such activities but nothing protecting teens. If an adult were to commit suicide because they had to face the sheer harassment that teens do, someone would be held accountable by law. Companies and colleges have very clear harassment clauses and make the penalties for such behaviour very clear. Why are there not the same rules and regulations available for kids? Is it so unreasonable to get Alberta Education to create a harassment policy that is clear with clear consequences? Why aren’t police involved when it  comes to light that these kids commit suicide from harassment. As an adult, the law is on my side. Why not the same for kids?

300 suicides per year in Canada is 300 too many. Please. If you want to do something then speak up. Spread this blog. Spread Rick Mercer’s message. Write to government officials. Tell schools and school authorities that it is time to make this stop.

A child shouldn’t have to die to be heard.

300 children shouldn’t have to be subjected to fear, depression, ostrasization, loneliness because they’re different.

300 dead children means 300 torn families and lives affected.

300 too many.

I am not in a relationship. I hate the damn things. Waste of time. Here’s my view of a relationship; one person gets to tell another person what to do and how to do it and when to do it just because they can. Grow up.

I just spent two days chatting with a guy who seemed very nice. He’s living with his girlfriend and had an open relationship. Well, it was open until she saw our conversation and decided to shut the door. Now I’m angry.

First of all, what the hell was he thinking letting the girlfriend read our conversations? That isn’t fair. I wasn’t consulted or asked on that. That’s my private thoughts and feelings. I didn’t ask to have a third party read anything.

Second, if you’re in a relationship you get to hurt people outside the relationship because you can? Really? Maybe this is an attitude I should adopt. I want what I want when I want it and to hell with anyone else. I get to do whatever I want whenever I want. I’m not in a relationship, though. Maybe that thinking only is applicable if you’re in a relationship.

Think about it for a second. It’s fine to open your relationship. However, you’d either keep it open or be prepared to hurt someone. You can’t change the rules midway simply because you’re jealous. Grow up and get over yourself.

P.S. if that guy’s reading this, send it along to your girlfriend.

I came across this story this morning and was appalled. Not by RBC, although their behaviour was somewhat negligent, but by the family. It’s not until the money is gone that they get upset. Oh they probably felt real involved when they brought her over for Christmas and Easter. Thanksgiving’s always a treat but the rest of the year? Well, they had other things to do no doubt.

Before I get on my high horse and start ranting, let’s look at the situation. Her neighbour was able to move in, rent free, without the family raising so much as an eyebrow. Her neighbour was able to move in her son and son’s girlfriend, also rent free, without even a question. The family never questioned any of this. Not once did they say “Mom? Why are these people living with you?” The neighbour was then able to go to the bank on a regular basis and make regular withdrawals. Here’s my question; why wasn’t the family keeping an eye on that account to make sure that Mom (or Grandma) was paying her bills, etc. How was the neighbour able to make these withdrawals without the family asking a single question? Ever?

So the neighbour goes through the money. A fair chunk of change the kids were no doubt relying on getting when Mom kicked the bucket. $82,000. Now the bank calls the family because the account is dry and things are bouncing. Now the family gets upset and an investigation is started. Now? After the money is gone?

Okay so here’s the rant; where the hell was the family before the money was gone? At some point someone had to go over to Mom’s and see that she wasn’t being cared for. Maybe dishes weren’t done? House was a mess? Something? Here’s an idea; ask Mom how things are. Just because she’s elderly doesn’t mean she’s stupid. She probably knew her account was being bled dry and didn’t know what to do about it. The elderly are easy victims because they often feel isolated and don’t know where to turn for help.

All that takes work, though. The elderly need help in their day to day lives and it should be the responsibility of their families to do the work of caring for them. This does not necessarily mean moving in and cleaning up after them. However, it does mean being involved in their lives. If they live in a care facility it means talking with staff on a regular basis. It means checking their bank accounts to ensure all is in order. In some cases it may mean paying their bills for them and ensuring they have spending money if required. It means actually sitting down and talking with the elderly person and finding out how they feel about their lives and listening.

I am angry at this family. They expected a stranger to do what they should have been doing all along and only get angry when their inheritance is gone. In my eyes they’re just as guilty as the neighbour.

I use online dating services a lot.  They suit my personality and eliminate my need to get creative about where I find my dates. However, I’ve found there are a lot of pricks online.

We’ve all run into these types, whether online or in real life. The ones I call sociopathic daters (yes, there are women like this, but my rant for today is men. Sorry, guys). These are the guys who care nothing for the feelings or needs of the person they’re with. It’s all about them. Usually they just want a place to put their penis but not always. Sometimes it’s the thrill of the conquest and other it’s a game of manipulation. Whatever it is, it’s about them and never, never about you.

Just so you know one when you see one, let me describe the sociopathic dater. He’s charming. Oh, when you meet him, he’ll say and do all the right things to make you feel at ease. He’s very good at it, people (I’m including men in this because the sociopathic dater is rampant in the gay community as well). He knows exactly what to say when and how to make you trust him. He’s usually well-groomed, might even have a good career. It is rare that these guys are stuck in dead end jobs. Everything, including their jobs, is about them and their comfort and well-being. He’s subtle and graceful. Never a wrong move or word. Sometimes these guys will deliberately act like the bumbling idiot just to put you at ease. There’s just one problem with their act; it’s too good. Even bumbling they’re cute or endearing.

Here’s how you recognize the sociopathic dater; they have a hidden temper and are manipulative. These guys will tell you everything you want to hear including words like “forever” and “love” if it gets them what they want. However, try asserting yourself around them sometime. They don’t like it. Say “no” and they’ll tell you they respect your decision then spend the next few hours or days finding a way around it. They don’t compromise well and don’t see why they should.

It’s the little things you have to watch for. It can seem insignificant at the time. For example, you want to see a comedy and he wants to see an action movie. He may agree to see the comedy and then back out when the time comes to go. This is not a once in a while thing, either. This is something he will do repeatedly. Or he’ll get upset or sulky if you don’t do what he wants to do. He’ll lay on the guilt, but in subtle ways. He’ll never tell you that you’re a bad person, instead he’ll drop subtle hints about how you didn’t do what he wanted you to do.

In any relationship, be it a monogamous marriage or a one-night stand or something in between, there is a give and take to the relationship. Sometimes one person gets their way and other times the other person gets  theirs. There is communication and compromise between both (or more if it’s a polyamourous situation) and everyone walks away comfortable. Not everyone is satisfied, but all parties are comfortable with the outcome.

If you have someone in your life that repeatedly manipulates you into behaving a way that’s not normal or comfortable for you, take a good look at that person. If you often find yourself placating that person out of a sense of guilt or shame, you need to examine the situation. This is not a situation you need to be in.

To the sociopathic daters in the world (yes, this applies to the women as well as the men), please do us a favour and go crawl under a rock somewhere. Leave us alone. We don’t need you, your drama or your games in our lives. We have better things to do and better people to welcome around us.

Dating and love should be a balancing force in our lives not something that makes us feel desperate and needy.

January 2019
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